Can't Wait For Turkey Day!

Mostly because my significant other has offered to cook dinner for me and my girls for our annual Merry Fanta Thanksgiving =] What kind of guy offers to do that? Apparently, my sweet, handsome, perfect gentleman of a boyfriend does. Jealous? You should be.

As for my family, let's just say that my mom has finally bended her ways of eating and decided to purchase a real turkey this year. The past couple years she prepared a tofurkey. Not fuckin' cool. Mind you, I was a vegetarian for two years of college...and that quickly ended once I rediscovered the greatness of Thanksgiving. Ever since, I've been a devout carnivore. Thank you, thank you. *bows head*.

Apparently my coworkers don't have anything planned out for Thanksgiving. I overheard someone say that they just placed their order at Boston Market. Another ordered from KFC. KFC? I would've never known either.

All of y'all who work in the restaurants can sit back and relax. Michelin Guide inspectors are taking the Holiday off. How do I know that? I follow their Twitter.

Just a few places I've check out:

Dopo on Piedmont in Oakland.

Kona Club on Piedmont in Oakland. It's totally a small version of Thalassa...another bar I've mentioned before.

Zebulon on Natoma in San Francisco. They got a pretty snazzy Happy Hour. And, if you don't like it, you can run over to John Collin's right across the street. Prime location to get drunk...and fast!

La Note in Berkeley. They usually have a really great brunch, but this time around we were a little disappointed. I guess it was because we only ordered pancakes. In the middle of our meal, we ended up swapping orders. Regardless of when you get there, prepare to wait. They're always shitty busy.

It was my boyfriend's good friend's birthday was this past weekend...that was a mouthful. We all had dinner at Coconut Bay in Burlingame. This restaurant makes me want to make more of an effort to go out to Burlingame. The food was pretty good and the location was so romantic. If only the place was run by people who knew how to run a restaurant, then it would be AWESOME. Definitely a cute corner location that's has so much potential. I was really disappointed by the service in the bar, though. The specialty cocktails were...alright. The bartender didn't really seem like she knew what she was doing. She offered to put someone else's drinks on my tab without my permission and without me even being present. That's just a lawsuit waiting to happen. Also, all of her garnishes weren't even prepared. She had to cut the limes, lemongrass and everything when ordered. I mean, granted it's a small place...be somewhat prepared. And, it shouldn't take more than ten minutes from greeting to serving the drink.

...that's sad. I only have a real opinion when it comes to the bar. I guess that shows what I find the most interest in. Hahah. Boyfriend and I have been mixing our own cocktails lately. It's been fun...and eventful.

In the words of one of my friend whom I went to UC Berkeley with, "Enjoy your family and friends. Enjoy your bountiful meals. Remember that this holiday is a celebration of the land that was violently taken from the indigenous people of North America".

...ouch. It's true, though.

Happy Thanksgiving!

WTP?!?!?

I KNEW IT HAD TO EXIST!

I totally yoinked this from somebody. Hahaha. Whoopsie!

Not That Relevant.

But still funny.


Conversation I had with somebody last night.

Upon discussion about masturbation.

Ray: It's like having sex with a microwaved grapefruit with one end cut out. And, if you're big, you make sure to cut both ends.

Me: What? Eww.

Ray: I mean, it's better than doing it with an apple pie.

Me: WHAT? How do you know?

Ray: I don't. I just imagine that having sex with a microwaved grapefruit makes more sense than doing it like in American Pie .

Me: Wow. Ok.

Ray and Me: *Awkward* LOL

I will never look at grapefruits the same.

This Guy...

My friend forwarded this article that was in the New York Times the other day. In the body before the link she wrote, "I thought of you when I saw this. Naturally." Sweet! For the most part, a lot of the things listed are true. Doesn't mean that I don't think the guy who wrote it is an asshole...and this is the latter half of the 100 things. I haven't even looked at the first 50.



-----

100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do (Part 2)

By BRUCE BUSCHEL

This is the second half of the 100 do’s and don’ts from last week’s post. Again, this list is for one particular restaurant, mine, which is under construction in Bridgehampton, N.Y., and will, with any luck, open this spring. I realize that every deli needs a wisecracking waiter, most pizza joints can handle heavy metal, and burgers always taste better when delivered by a server with tattoos and tongue piercing(s).

Not even a hundred suggestions can cover all the bases, so one is grateful for the many comments following the 50, including striking “you guys” from the restaurant lexicon and making sure the alcohol order is taken lickety-split. Thanks for all of the help.

51. If there is a service charge, alert your guests when you present the bill. It’s not a secret or a trick.

52. Know your menu inside and out. If you serve Balsam Farm candy-striped beets, know something about Balsam Farm and candy-striped beets.

53. Do not let guests double-order unintentionally; remind the guest who orders ratatouille that zucchini comes with the entree.

54. If there is a prix fixe, let guests know about it. Do not force anyone to ask for the “special” menu.

55. Do not serve an amuse-bouche without detailing the ingredients. Allergies are a serious matter; peanut oil can kill. (This would also be a good time to ask if anyone has any allergies.)

56. Do not ignore a table because it is not your table. Stop, look, listen, lend a hand. (Whether tips are pooled or not.)

57. Bring the pepper mill with the appetizer. Do not make people wait or beg for a condiment.

58. Do not bring judgment with the ketchup. Or mustard. Or hot sauce. Or whatever condiment is requested.

59. Do not leave place settings that are not being used.

60. Bring all the appetizers at the same time, or do not bring the appetizers. Same with entrees and desserts.

61. Do not stand behind someone who is ordering. Make eye contact. Thank him or her.

62. Do not fill the water glass every two minutes, or after each sip. You’ll make people nervous.

62(a). Do not let a glass sit empty for too long.

63. Never blame the chef or the busboy or the hostess or the weather for anything that goes wrong. Just make it right.

64. Specials, spoken and printed, should always have prices.

65. Always remove used silverware and replace it with new.

66. Do not return to the guest anything that falls on the floor — be it napkin, spoon, menu or soy sauce.

67. Never stack the plates on the table. They make a racket. Shhhhhh.

68. Do not reach across one guest to serve another.

69. If a guest is having trouble making a decision, help out. If someone wants to know your life story, keep it short. If someone wants to meet the chef, make an effort.

70. Never deliver a hot plate without warning the guest. And never ask a guest to pass along that hot plate.

71. Do not race around the dining room as if there is a fire in the kitchen or a medical emergency. (Unless there is a fire in the kitchen or a medical emergency.)

72. Do not serve salad on a freezing cold plate; it usually advertises the fact that it has not been freshly prepared.

73. Do not bring soup without a spoon. Few things are more frustrating than a bowl of hot soup with no spoon.

74. Let the guests know the restaurant is out of something before the guests read the menu and order the missing dish.

75. Do not ask if someone is finished when others are still eating that course.

76. Do not ask if a guest is finished the very second the guest is finished. Let guests digest, savor, reflect.

77. Do not disappear.

78. Do not ask, “Are you still working on that?” Dining is not work — until questions like this are asked.

79. When someone orders a drink “straight up,” determine if he wants it “neat” — right out of the bottle — or chilled. Up is up, but “straight up” is debatable.

80. Never insist that a guest settle up at the bar before sitting down; transfer the tab.

81. Know what the bar has in stock before each meal.

82. If you drip or spill something, clean it up, replace it, offer to pay for whatever damage you may have caused. Refrain from touching the wet spots on the guest.

83. Ask if your guest wants his coffee with dessert or after. Same with an after-dinner drink.

84. Do not refill a coffee cup compulsively. Ask if the guest desires a refill.

84(a). Do not let an empty coffee cup sit too long before asking if a refill is desired.

85. Never bring a check until someone asks for it. Then give it to the person who asked for it.

86. If a few people signal for the check, find a neutral place on the table to leave it.

87. Do not stop your excellent service after the check is presented or paid.

88. Do not ask if a guest needs change. Just bring the change.

89. Never patronize a guest who has a complaint or suggestion; listen, take it seriously, address it.

90. If someone is getting agitated or effusive on a cellphone, politely suggest he keep it down or move away from other guests.

91. If someone complains about the music, do something about it, without upsetting the ambiance. (The music is not for the staff — it’s for the customers.)

92. Never play a radio station with commercials or news or talking of any kind.

93. Do not play brass — no brassy Broadway songs, brass bands, marching bands, or big bands that feature brass, except a muted flugelhorn.

94. Do not play an entire CD of any artist. If someone doesn’t like Frightened Rabbit or Michael Bublé, you have just ruined a meal.

95. Never hover long enough to make people feel they are being watched or hurried, especially when they are figuring out the tip or signing for the check.

96. Do not say anything after a tip — be it good, bad, indifferent — except, “Thank you very much.”

97. If a guest goes gaga over a particular dish, get the recipe for him or her.

98. Do not wear too much makeup or jewelry. You know you have too much jewelry when it jingles and/or draws comments.

99. Do not show frustration. Your only mission is to serve. Be patient. It is not easy.

100. Guests, like servers, come in all packages. Show a “good table” your appreciation with a free glass of port, a plate of biscotti or something else management approves.

Bonus Track: As Bill Gates has said, “Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.” (Of course, Microsoft is one of the most litigious companies in history, so one can take Mr. Gates’s counsel with a grain of salt. Gray sea salt is a nice addition to any table.)

It's Definitely Winter

The weather is gettin' chilly and our evenings are blanketed with starry skies so damn early. And, I'm sick. BOO! It's also the season that you should reconsider sharing drinks/taking sips with people. That's where I made the big mistake. I think my damned 19 year-old sister passed me the cough germ when I illegally shared with her my beer at the Warrior game last week. Karma, let the young bucks have some fun. Sheesh!

I swear, if I would have known it was Filipino Heritage Night at the Warrior game against the Los Angeles Clippers, I would have stayed home. I mean, I'm proud of being Filipino and everything, but I get all claustrophobic when there are too many people who look like me in one concentrated area. When we finally settled down into our seats, the older gentleman behind us kept screaming, "DEPENSE! *clap clap* DEPENSE!". Hilariousness. Then, when my sister and I got up to go use the restroom I bumped into my friend's aunt. She flagged me down and said, "Jenny!" I walked over to give her a hug. I recognized her face, but I couldn't make out whose mom she was. I stared in confusion. She said, "You don't remember me, huh?"

"Yes, I do! Auntie!" Default response. Haha. My bad. Then, she reminded me whose mom she was. Gah, don't I feel like an idiot.

After the game I had some time to kill before I went to go get my spoon on. I didn't really have a definite location to go to, but I figure Piedmont Ave. in Oakland would be a good place to end up. There is a pool hall in Berkeley called, Thalassa, that I loved going to when I was in college because of how damned accessible it was. Literally a block-and-a-half away from my apartment, makes crawling home after one too many drinks extremely convenient. What I particularly love about this bar is that it's so hidden that you wouldn't know its name unless you actually ordered a drink from the bar. So many good times at this place. Damn, I wish I were young again. Oh, and one interesting thing is that you always find something new in this place.

Anyway, I wanted to check out Thalassa's sister bar, Kona Club, on Piedmont Ave. only because I figure the experience may be the same. Except, when I was actually driving down Piedmont Ave. there were a few other places that looked more appealing to hang out in while stag. The longer the idea that I was going out for a drink by myself in a bar made me feel like a loser. So, I parked my car and walked my little brown butt down the street to a seemingly crackin' corner restaurant. I ended up at Adesso. I believe they've made it into the Michelin Guide. I sat at the bar all by myself in between a couple and an old man. There were so many people, it was so loud and I just wanted to have a drink by myself without looking like a complete loser. So, I turned to the older man and asked him what he recommended. He was obviously a regular patron at this place because he almost recommended everything. I ordered the prosciutto (6 slices) and a very nice glass of red, Vernatsch (spelling? forgive me). The bartender actually recommended a glass of white, but he respected my wish for a red. I offered the older man a slice and we talked for a good 45 minutes about the area. I told him that I was looking to move to Oakland sometime soon, and that it would be nice to hear what the locals have to say about the nearby restaurants. Jack was a sweet old man who was really easy going. After he finished his latte he wished me well, and gave me a kiss on the top of my head. Old people can be so cute. The bar tender told me about this really cool thing that's happening tomorrow night at the restaurant. They're actually having a famous "Grappa" maker come in and teach some new techniques to whoever is willing to come in and learn. Grappa is an after dinner drink that isn't necessarily a port. I wish I can make it, but I already have dinner plans =/ I believe that starts at 5pm. This is an extremely big deal because this man is coming all the way from Italy. I really loved that the bartenders at Adesso were so attentive and friendly. I ordered a latte to wake me up a bit and the guy didn't even charge me for it! Could it be my charming good looks? Maybeeee. Or, he just forgot to add it to my tab. Regardless, it was a really great experience for me even though I was by myself. I should do that more often. People are actually much more friendly when you give them a chance.

It was my dad's birthday this past weekend and I really wanted to get him out of that whole mentality that PF Chang's is a good place to eat EVERY TIME YOU'RE CELEBRATING SOMETHING. I've really become to hate that place. So, I took my family to Xanh Restaurant in Mountain View. Can I get a hip-hip-HOORAY for Asian food?! Everything is family style, and I can't say that I wasn't pleased with any one particular dish. The food was so good that it makes PF Chang's look like McDonald's...like it should. The bar is sleek, cool and modern. I would definitely meet up with friends for a drink there. Oh, and they have a Happy Hour to die for. Half-off well-drinks? Count me in!

Hmm...where else did I go last week before I developed this disgusting cough?

Oh, my very dear friend moved to LA this past weekend and I decided to meet up with him and some of his coworkers in the Marina at Kelley's Tavern. The more I go out to the Marina, the more I fall in love with it. So damn bourgie (spelling? reference: bourgeoisie)...haha. I wouldn't mind living out in that part of the City.

Afterwards, I met up with Chef and his buddies from work at Nopa. I really wish I didn't eat before I went there, but the burgers that they were eating looked amazing. The fries were amazing. I would know, I love french fries. I made the mistake and let the guy pick my drink without giving anything for him to go off of what I preferred. A little strong for my taste. They all said it tasted just fine. I'm sorrrry, I like the girly drinks. Apparently Nopa is open pretty late and it's the perfect place to go for anyone who works into the late hours of the night in the service industry. That just sucks for the guys who work there late at night...where do they go? The space though is really great. They have gaping windows that overlook the street...can't go wrong with big windows. A really great looking communal table for large parties or for those who are willing to mingle. Tons of tables and a second floor that overlooks the entire restaurant, including the open kitchen! Yeah, it was really great.

So, now I'm here. Paying for all of that fun that I had last week. Coughing my lungs out and sweating like a pig. I think I've drank enough orange juice to put Florida into a state of panic. Like, seriously, I've drank a carton (64 fl.oz.) of orange juice a day PLUS two to three glasses of Emergencee. I have drank so much orange juice that my pee is neither clear or yellow...it's orange. Have you ever seen that before? Neither have I. Well, I suppose that's enough self-exposure. Until next time, Bon Appetit!

Pussy...Cat.

My cousin was married earlier in the summer and I was a bridesmaid. Which inevitably means that I was obligated to attend the so-unholy bachelorette party. I've pretty much hit that age that once you know one person who's getting married, the rest of your friends begin to drop like flies. Next thing you know, you're an aunt or god parent. Even worse, you're the one getting married.

Anyway, this was my first bachelorette party ever. Admittedly, it set the bar pretty high for future bachelorette parties to come. Why? Because instead of having the usual male-stripper club outting, we went to Asia SF. This was also my first time here. I bet you're asking yourself, "Alright, Jenny, what's the big deal?" Hold your horses, I'm getting there! In addition to the obligatory male-stripper, we also had fe(male) entertainers.
[fe(male)] = know your order of mathematical operations, my friends, and maybe you'll get the picture.

That's right. These entertainers are genetically...men. Whatever journey that they have gone through from their birth until the moment I saw them stomping their pretty little heels on that runway-style bartop had to have been something absolutely astonishing. They were all dolled up, gorgeous, and unbelieveably convincing. The host that walked us to our table was literally drop-dead gorgeous. She walked so gracefully, had beautiful long brown hair and had a face that would make so many "real" women jealous. You think I lie? Of course not.

I mean, look at that body. Don't lie to yourself, she's hot and you know it. And, if you're a guy who's reading this and staring at the photo in confusion, I bet you $5 you thought she was cute until you realized it was a guy. Well...she...was...a guy...? Who knows.

The entertainers were great. There are about 4 seatings per night, and four entertainers per dinner showing. Each entertainer does about two sets of song and dance each. Let's see...I saw Shakira, Beyonce and some 1920s-style entertainer. It was great. Apparently, at each show they try to seat a man at the end of the bar where the entertainers could tease them in front of the crowd. As my cousin and the rest of the bachelorette party sat at our table eating our dinner, these performers would make their way to the end of the bar and do some pretty sexually provacative dance moves on this man. They would stand over him and kneel over to reveal cleavage and/or thrust their hips forward into his face. Poor guy. It's obvious that he would be pretty embarassed by being picked on, but I honestly think he kind of enjoyed it. His face, along with his bald head, turned bright read every time the entertainer came over to pick on him.


I think this is the Shakira set. The only reason why I took this picture is so that I can see if I can spot her junk. I don't really see anything. Do you? After our dinner we were given a male-stripper in a private room. At first I thought it was fun, but now that I think about it that shit is nasty. I was drunk. Anything's fun when I'm drunk. He put oil on our hands and everything to rub on his body. Eww, yuck. Everyone in the party got at least one lap dance. My cousin, she was hooked up with more shots than she could drink. All of the other bachelorette parties had their own little thing in the downstairs basement where there's a bar and dancefloor. FUN TIMES.

Overall, the experience was great. For any of you who are thinking to throw a bachelorette party outside of the ordinary, I definitely recommend this place. Even though it sounds a little tacky, I can honestly tell you that bachelorette parties are supposed to push the bounderies. So, if you have a strong stomach and are open to the spectrum of sexuality and gender, this place is for you. The food and drinks were just alright. A little expensive for my liking, but if you book with Asia SF beforehand, they'll provide you with a really great package for services within the restaurant and also admission to a lot of the surrounding clubs in the area. The actual venue is really cool.

Side thought: You know how the word 'phallic' describes shapes and symbols that are representative of the male genitalia? Asia SF made me question if there is a word that is representative of female genitalia. I mean, we don't walk around pointing at things that look like vaginas and say, "wow, that looks extremely 'vaginic'". Someone told me that it's called 'gynic'. That just doesn't sound right to me.

Anyway, the interior design of the place continually reminds you of the vagina. Like, the lamps were shaped like labia. One thing in particular totally mind-fucked me. It was a huge mirror that is unmistakably shaped like the labia majora. I swear, every time I looked into it it made me think of where I come from. Like, literally, the part of the body of where I come from. Where you come from, at that! It was almost like I was looking at myself toward the inside of the vagina and I'm never going to be able to go back to that place...except through the experience of carrying and birthing my own child. See what I mean? It totally mind-fucked me. That's besides the point. The bar was great. Some patrons were allowed to sit at the bar and enjoy dinner up-close and personal with the entertainers doing their sets at the runway style bar top adjacent to them. The dinner tables surround the bar where larger parties can enjoy their dinners comfortably and admire from afar. Everything in the upstairs portion of the restaurant was sleek, modern and fun. I definitely like that they kept the female anatomy in mind when it came to the concepts used for the interior design.




More pictures of the beautiful entertainers. Eat your heart out.

No More Reviews...

because Chef thinks I'm as much of an elitist as the Yelp Elite. Boo, Chef! Says the guy who searches Craigslist every day to look for job postings just to HATE on other restaurants. Who's the hater now?



I only went to a few notable places anyway:

1. Alembic on the Haight, San Francisco. I'm not a fan of old people drinks, but this place has a specialty list to die for.
   
2. Blowfish Sushi on Santana Row, San Jose. I've ate here a good handful of times and hated it. Somehow, I've learned to like it. Maybe it's 'cause I didn't pay for it this time around. Thank goodness of the sissy's birthday.
   
3. Some sushi spot on Holloway and Ashton, San Francisco. Seriously, my favorite hole-in-the-wall in San Francisco. So hole-in-the-wall that I didn't even know it's name unitl just now that I Yelp'd its address to find a link to it. Honestly, their udon is really good and I don't understand why a lot of places seem to get something so easy to make...wrong.